PLAYS
Hanrihan’s Noose
What’s a town to do when their duly elected god no longer wishes to serve? Moreover, what’s the last living disciple to do when he finds himself commanded by god to die? Hanrihan’s Noose explores the ways in which god’s unheard voice is used to purvey the viewpoints of those who would speak for him. And how his disciple, acting under the direct ministrations of their god, chooses to interpret that voice to his own ends.
Excerpt:
GOD
How long have we been doing this, Hanrihan?
HANRIHAN
(points finger at self and then at God and back again a couple of quick times)
God and disciple?
GOD
(impatiently)
Yes, yes. How long?
HANRIHAN
Through all eternity, Lord.
GOD
(points finger accusingly at Hanrihan)
I said stop calling me that! And I know it’s been through all eternity. But how long has eternity lasted?
HANRIHAN
Forty-two years, uh, almost.
GOD
That’s all?
(cocks head as if getting his bearings)
Forty-two years?
(shakes head and notices food again)
Well, back to the first question.
HANRIHAN
You seem to be ranting a bit, Lord. What was the first question?
GOD
(just about to tuck napkin in around collar, stops, looks hard at Hanrihan as he drops hands to lap)
Hanrihan, my last living disciple, my only good ‘eye’ as they call you, listen to me and answer: What was my last act of Spoken Will?
HANRIHAN
(shrugs, leans hip on table, half-sitting now)
Well, Theodore, I believe it was nearly seven years ago.
GOD
(gives grunt of approval, nods)
And what did I do?
HANRIHAN
It had to do with a fellow who accidentally burned down his own barn while he was drunk. There were four mules that went up with it.
GOD
(seems to ponder this seriously, shakes head)
And what did I do? Intervene to save his life?
HANRIHAN
(clears throat to cover short chuckle as he once again stands and momentarily pivots away from God)
Ah, no Lord. You, uh, chose not to intervene.
(turns back to God)
He came to me, us, afterward for confession and penance.
GOD
And what did I decide?
HANRIHAN
We decided to raise his tithe from ten percent to fifteen percent.
GOD
(gets momentarily introspective again, shakes head)
I don’t remember that.
HANRIHAN
Well, that’s not precisely what you told me to do when I asked.
GOD
(imperiously)
What did I tell you to do?
HANRIHAN
(sighs)
You said, “I don’t give a good goddamn, just leave me alone.” And so I have.
GOD
(stares, mouth agape, then shakes head and waves it off)
It doesn’t matter.
HANRIHAN
(wryly)
No, I don’t suppose it does, Theodore.
GOD
Good, you agree.
(finally gets napkin tucked into collar)
HANRIHAN
(puts hand in pocket and fingers something momentarily)
I’m not sure I understand, Lord. Why doesn’t it matter?
GOD
(eyes food on plate suspiciously)
I’ve decided not to be God anymore.
HANRIHAN
Lord?!
(pulls hand, now holding chicken bone, from pocket and points it accusingly at God)
This is not…
(notices chicken leg, stuffs it back in pocket)
you cannot just decide…
(pulls hand out again, wipes quickly on robe)
I mean there are…
GOD
(looks up from plate as he pushes it away, interrupts)
Oh shutup, Hanrihan.
HANRIHAN
Lord, I must remind you that there are very strict and finite guidelines under which you can relinquish the Creatorship.
GOD
(replaces cover on plate of food)
I know what they are, Disciple.
HANRIHAN
(aghast)
Surely you don’t intend to kill yourself.
GOD
Surely I don’t.
(stands, puts both fists on table and leans forward)
I feel dead out here already, away from town and nobody allowed to see me but the servants. And I’ll be damned if I can engage one in conversation. Which leaves only you to talk to, Hanrihan. No sir, I’m not going to live that much longer and I’m not liking my lifestyle much anymore.
(walks toward throne chair, pulls on chord that hangs to the right of it, the echo of a summoning gong can be heard)
HANRIHAN
(eyes very wide now)
Lord, there is only one other way you may, uh, step down.
GOD
(turns back to face Hanrihan, answers as if disciple is only a small distraction, hardly worth noticing)
I know, Hanrihan. And I wish I was sorry, but I’m not. It is my Will.
HANRIHAN
(shrill, almost shrieking)
What is your Will?
GOD
(again, answering almost as if Hanrihan were merely a distraction, not the main focus of his attention)
Hmm? Oh, your time on this earth is done.